A Week At Sea On A Ship Of Fools With Neo-Conmen Kristol And Barnes? Arghhhhhhhhhh! Now THAT’S Torture!
By John Lofton, Editor
In George Orwell’s “1984” there is a place of interrogation called Room 101 in which one character says is “the worst thing in the world” for the interrogatee. It is said that this worst thing in the world “varies from individual to individual. It may be burial alive, or death by fire, or by drowning, or by impalement, or fifty other deaths. There are cases where it is some quite trivial thing, not even fatal.”
So, what’s in Room 101 for me as “the worst thing in the world?” Well, high on the list, contending for the top spot, is the prospect — just the threat — of being at sea for seven days and seven nights on a cruise ship with William Kristol and Fred Barnes, both of “The Weekly Standard” magazine, both charter members of the neo-conservative gang of warmongers that brought us our unGodly, unConstitutional, unnecessary murderous debacle in Iraq.
Just the thought of being at sea (or on land or in the air) with Kristol and Barnes —— arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
But, as they say (though I’m never sure who “they” are when “they” are alluded to): One man’s Room 101 is another man’s paradise; one man’s septic tank is another man’s hot tub. So, as you read this, there are people who have signed up, and are signing up, for a Kristol/Barnes “Ship Of Fools” trip (June 16-23, 2007) sponsored by “The Weekly Standard,” a trip which promises access to “your favorite Weekly Standard pundits” — a meaningless promise to me since I have no favorite pundit at that magazine.
The Web site of “The Weekly Standard” suggests I “Tell A Friend” about this cruise. A “friend?” No way. An enemy, yes. In fact, if there’s someone you really hate, try to get them on board for this trip — though you probably don’t know anybody you hate enough to want to inflict Kristol/Barnes on them on a ship for a week. Such exposure would indeed be cruel and unusual punishment.
All trip participants are promised “Event Highlights” which include “wonderful activities.” Such as? Well, there is the opportunity, we are told, “to join your fellow TWS cruisers in the Crow’s Nest for informal conversation.” Hmmmmm. Informal conversation, eh? Maybe Kristol/Barnes will, in an advance peek, reveal their secret list of the next several wars they want to start, the next several countries they want to bomb and invade to spread “democracy.”
A warning: Look out Victoria, British Columbia! You had better be a “democracy”! I say this because you are on the Ports Of Call list for the Kristol/Barnes “Ship Of Fools” cruise (June 22, 6-12 pm). And when I say “democracy” I mean the precise kind of “democracy” Kristol/Barnes approve of. Otherwise — bombs away and here come our troops!
There is at least one wise, well-advised and needed activity on this cruise that I have seen among the material promoting this voyage — a “mandatory lifeboat drill.” I say this is a good idea because when “the terrorists” know where this ship is going, well — like I say, this is a well-advised activity. Nuf sed.
This trip also offers “complimentary” fresh fruit, ice service and shoeshine service — which I would hope would be the case if I paid $6,226 to stay in the Penthouse Suite! But, of course, we know that nothing is “complimentary” and all of these goodies are in the price of this suite and all other kinds of rooms.
In every stateroom will be a “luxurious Euro-Top” bed — which I found out by calling the cruise line means a bed with about an inch-and-a-half of foam padding on top of the mattress to make it soft. And, and in the Greenhouse Spa & Salon you can plunge into a “thalassotherapy pool” — which sounds like the place a cowboy would put his rope to get it to relax — (get it? — lasso therapy — the cowboy’s rope — his lasso? Sorry. And I hate puns, too). But, no, “thalassotherapy” is from the Greek word for “sea;” thus, this kind of therapy involves “the medical use of seawater,” according to Wikipedia, a notoriously unreliable source but I think they (it) are (is? am?) right on this one.
More information on “The Weekly Standard” Web site about this cruise addresses the various ways “Motion Sickness” can be dealt with. Nothing is said about what to do if Kristol/Barnes make you sick.
This site also contains a “Nautical Glossary” which imparts to us such valuable information as the fact that “Amidships” means “in the middle of the vessel.” And a “Porthole” is “the round window on a ship.”
Other definitions among the promo material for this Ship Of Fools voyage are not so accurate. For example, a quote from a previous guest on a “Weekly Standard” cruise says he (?) really enjoyed meeting “like-minded conservatives,” such “well-read conservatives.” For-the-record (though it doesn’t really matter): Kristol/Barnes are not “conservatives;” they are neo-conservatives. There is a difference but I don’t care enough about either to tell what this difference is.
The Holland America Lines on Kristol/Barnes and their sycophants will be shipping out says it is “an environmental leader in the cruise industry….every crew member is required to go through environmental training….All our ships have two oily-water separators to prevent discharges due to equipment malfunction. Our vessels adhere to a ‘zero discharge’ policy in harbors.”
Inside the cruise ship, however, what Kristol/Barnes will be discharging in their remarks on this trip will, of course, undoubtedly, be more highly toxic, messianic nonsense of the type that got us into the Iraq War.
One place Kristol/Barnes will fit right in on their ship is the “Rembrandt Show Lounge” which is described as a place that features, among other folks, “illusionists.” Perfect! Showtime, fellas! Bill, Fred, you’re on in five! Tell us about your hopes for your Iraq War and how things have worked out. C’mon, don’t be bashful.
And your little bio blurb on your Web page, Bill! I love it! It says that you once led something called the “Project For The Republican Future.” How ironic since now, thanks to you and your fellow warmongering neocons, by getting your Iraq War,you have most likely destroyed any Republican future for decades — and that’s no illusion! Congratulations! But, no hard feelings. Don’t beat yourself up too badly. You’re not completely evil. Anybody who has helped destroy the Republican Party can’t be all bad.
